It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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