im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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