saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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