we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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