just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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