my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
