Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
