I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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