I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I looked at my own cervix.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
