I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
