I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
