Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
