My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Randomize
