I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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