i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
