you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
