dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
