My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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