I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
