is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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