If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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