i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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