i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
