exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
