I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the condom got lost in my hair
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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