Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
