Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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