I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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