I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
