there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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