There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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