Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
