i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
