I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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