My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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