return my video game
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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