You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
