If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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