did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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