Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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