Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
