he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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