you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
