If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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