My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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