I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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