I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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