OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
