Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
