I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
