Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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