And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just googled if crying burns calories
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
