You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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