I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
