im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
