I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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