She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
