the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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