Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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