sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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