I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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