I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
