omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
