I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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