Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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