I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
