another moral hangover. fuck.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
