Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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