it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
